2011 Favorites

Lovers In a World Alone


It's the ultimate time to forgive and forget
I find myself weeping for alcoholic drug addicts far away from home that cant read
25 year old little boys
15 year old guitar gods trying to always please daddy
men who cant leave mommy with metal in their faces and homemade anarchy tattoos
foster children who want a baby at 16
and 30 year olds with no teeth
grown men dying for a piece of children's virginity
jailbirds dreaming of too many lovers
young stoners kisses
20 year old virgins of St Mary, wishing to buy teenagers alcohol at parties
welfare pot deals fantasizing about teenage lovers
waiting for big breaks and music scene flakes
and the biggest predator
the Gangsta
the Bob Dylan Lover
tracing hands of fucked up daughters
looking for a saviour or sexual lover
constantly trying to save his poor mother
boys with mole faces lying into the trees
having babies at seventeen
baymen friends listening to poetry on a long distance package
boys with braces pretending
boys with mountain bikes and red faces
lovers with 20 dollars
lovers with 20 dollars worth of weed
lovers with 20 dollars worth of vodka
lover without 20 dollars
they are all the same
long haired poets praying for his mother
not knowing he'll have to find her in himself
theres no real mother
he speaks of issues, wishes he had a family
but I love him, thats the finality
cherishing bodies of cokehead alcoholic lovers
always finding the most fucked up woman in a room
with big brown eyes
tattoos
dreadlocks
a piercing in her face
a woman who knows how to hold a cock
a woman not afraid to yell
a woman so consumed in her own control, selfishness and pleasure
so he will always feel the tear under his eyes
but what kind of woman am I?
a woman who's seen dicks as kid
watched men yell to lying women
a woman who's warded off fists and spit
a woman who's dying just to live
or sometimes just wishing to die
a woman who cares and thinks too much
and is way too deep inside herself
a word can make me cry
a video can make me drink tonight
a bad day can cause suicide
my heart has always lied
and the morals I thought I always possessed
are the ultimate contradiction
as I am on house arrest
confined to my head
in a world all alone
a world all alone
is the only world
the only world
that I will ever know

Lies Stamped on an Overcrowded Passport

These words and truths are things you have hidden
I am not a god to sympathize nor to be taken lightly
And yes, fuck you because once upon a time I was reading What To Expect and assuming my life with another man
And I know many people want to have sex with me before I die
However, I respond to their advances with anger or ignore them
not continue my conversations on a folder marked Buddy Best Kinds
I'm not bragging to Jeff about your proposal
Nor telling Kyle I care about him and his opinion is important to me
Especially not if he spoke in a negative connotation
SO what is appropriate about online relations and friendships with ex-lovers
Or telling your best friend to watch his mouth for I am fragile
I will always know the truth because I am smarter than you
Well I will show you a wrath you have never seen
it comes from my hell of very deep feelings and too much sympathy
What point do I breathe and stop to think?
Rushing into a life of overturned tables and adultery fantasies
Always looking over my shoulder or reading over yours to uncover your secrets
I have come to realize I actually do not want to know them
For every rock that I turn over is another chance to bleed
Not to sound weak
I should just go out every night for a week
But my mind will always be on that other part of me that says
Trust Him
Can I
Can I?
Fuck we are getting married
If I cant look into your eyes without a question in my mind
than what point is my life?
About the time you whispered we fit together like pieces, I was the only one to ever make you feel what love was
And with me we never have to grow up
Is that a world I leave behind and let these parasites eat from my memories and fires to burn every cell of my body that you confessed unconditional love to?
Or am I just confused?
I
Dont
Believe
You
Yeah I sound like an angsty ninth grader
A reason why
For most of my adult life
I have been a slave to abusive relationships
I know how happiness can be plucked right from your hands back into the obscure hole of your soul it dragged itself from
And you may just wipe in into my used towel but my heart is in my come
Sometimes I know my honesty and loyalty makes you run
And sometimes I don't have very much fun
We'd all be fucked if I owned a gun
And maybe, just maybe, you are too used to being lonely to fly this close to the sun
Its the signature on my drivers lisence and bank account
medical records that show my own doubt
banned in Newfoundland
Arrested in BC
Took too many sleeping pills in Ontario
In Montreal got roofied
A stamp on my passport
for every step I have taken in the wrong direction
Out of one broken home, far away
Back again to another life of being stoned
She wanted to adopt with you
It will be a swell moment when that soul from the stars come
from my body, made with a love no one else will ever know
each cell made by our past, present and future
our beautiful nights of candles
the face created from fate
A soul that will exist in a world we will never understand because we exist to make love
that tiny body will be both you and me
it will be fucking beautiful
even more than you say I am
I can no longer deny
I am sick right down to the quick
to ever think you never meant a word of it
I fucking love you
I damn well know its true
I hardly know you but know you more than anything
Im not afraid and terrified all at the same time
Sometimes so sad
sometimes
to happy
to cry