Know Me
So you think you know me
That saying I shouldn’t smoke is taking control
Truth is I don’t give a fuck about who you’ve slept with
Because one I know it eats my soul
every time I see those faces it’s another smile of mine to go
And I really, really wish you’d understand
Sometimes it’s not really me when you take my hand
That your positivity probably wont change my suicide plan
Not too sure its even worth your time, man
When I look in the mirror I don’t see beautiful
I just see sad eyes, pimples and the start of my wrinkles
They will be pretty bad as I spent most of my life frowning
The last 5 years chugging liquor, smoking pot and drowning
I’m not great at all really, not by any means
I’m pretty terrible when I think about it
Way too fucking dramatic
Pretty shitty me
I bet everyone else can also see that
Got to check the time make sure I still have a mind
People, just one Hi
Would keep me high and ok
I just keep forgetting I don’t exist anyway
that’s just fine and dandy don’t you say?
I could be wiped from the face of the earth and all my neurotic tendencies and words would just be forgotten like a board games lost turn
So take my suicide and learn
How to not burn
How to say no to a man
How to stay strong when he takes a hit
How to live after you’ve already lived through all of it
But most of all maybe you can learn to admit
When you’ve had enough
As I have always said, oh I am so tough
When I should have asked for help and said this is too much
Enough is enough
Or is it really just a dream?
A dream so beautiful that it hurts to see
That every one of you somehow need me
Or just a piece of me after they’ve ripped my seams and revealed all the bullshit that lies beneath
Me
So babe do you see?
You cant change me
Deep inside I’m an abyss of highways and towns that go too far below the level of the sea and all my memories are a lost Atlantis that suddenly take over me
And my dreams possess the rest of everything I had believed
My inventory would be too much to ever put on paper
And I don’t want to share those worda and experiences
I want them to fester alone and deep within me
I’m not saying these things for attention and sympathy
Just wish someone, anyone out there believe
That no matter what you can always achieve
So I got to stop leaving just being me
An ocean much too deep
Even if I seem intense
Well again it’s me
So take it or leave
Ill tell you what I believe
2:30 AM in a Hotel
I got some good shit going on here tonight
The rum and coke is not enough to forget about my life
And still I cant sleep at night
My nightmares are a mans hands groping my thighs
Trying so hard to get what he needs
Since the age of 11 I was a beacon of sex
Well my life was so fucking hard I’ll never forget
My life was a heart wrenching episode of Intervention
But the difference between me and those crack addicts
Is that I have so much strength
The strength of my family that are Prozac and pot addicts
Trying to escape bipolar
Is fun living running even faster
Anything At All
Bloody eyes scream from my insides to peer at the evil dreams that keep haunting me
Tears are not allowed to show their face in this drama race
I’m just a soldier with no armour
Greek soldiers fought naked so they could be on their toes
As the world keeps beating me I cant feel the blows
Instead feeling nothing at all is what I have chose
My fears no longer human as the things I fear can only show their face in my nightmares
Unreal and wasted on these nightly beers
Just so I could feel anything, anything at all
Id be willing to take 1000 hits and twice as many shots just so I could rid myself of all I have lost
Words are all I have so I scream them at the top of my lungs but the crowds keep walking as I realized where my power lies in being an invisible entity of humanity
Breathing in ghosts of the past at every turn, missing my friends and loves but what really have we all learned?
Is loneliness really the human condition or is it an acquired trait?
Is there any truth when you speak of God, destiny or fate?
When you look into the mirror do see through all the fake or do you ever just see you?
Parallel existences of lives that never wanted so much just to becomes lies set inside of the Earth’s crust and more promises of broken eternal love
I may sound like a pessimist but we will never amount to much
Hungry for feeling anything
Anything at all
What’s Your Poison
What’s my poison
You ask with a sneer
I love the hydrogen cyanide
It makes my soul fly
I crave the acetone, the mercury
It brings me to life
We cant forget the nicotine
that’s what brings me back again
I seduce the dimethylintosomine
It feeds into my brain
And why do I love such harmful things
Because they take away my troubles
They slowly fill…the dark, deep and dirty 6ft hole
The Only One Who Was Beautiful
She has pretty eyes
But no one really cares without the pretty face
They'll be blackened by the end of the day, anyway
Who are you to complain?
Of her being anti-social?
If anything it would be your fault in the first place
Drive that ugly face
Drive it through the ground
It will never be good enough
For your fur coat, and menthe cigarettes
Bloody knuckles.
Doesn't look like she'll amount to much, does she?
It wouldn't matter to you either way.
Since when did one have to scream to be heard?
False reality has faltered
Yet to live in the real world would cause more damage.
These are the best years of our lives
Live to the fullest, with no regrets.
But of course there is an odd man out.
Wild guess to who it is, anybody?
Stopped trying to fit in everywhere
really, there's no point.
No matter where
It won't feel right and It won't feel safe
Even sitting in the corner
would make her a hypocrite.
Not that the corner is much enjoyable
But neither is the supper table
No one believes a word, any word that she says
Smart enough to find a way
hopefully without turning to a last resort
Your evil eyes, your evil face has plagued my mind.
In the end, will you save me?
Like you promised all along?
Now, about your evil laugh
It haunts my dreams
In a musky perfume of grasses
Clean knife comes out bloody.
O, how sweet would the feel of it be
To mask in your crimson, to break the flesh.
Payback, for all those sleepless nights
Non-existent pillow fights;
Artistic Northern Lights, dancing on my arms.
The Apocalypse is nearing my friend.
Who will come out on top?
With the pretty blackened eyes,
and A face the world forgot.
Take a wild guess.
Stare
Your stare blazes into me
scrutinizing every detail
until I am someone else entirely
The words haunt me
as I sit on my despair
no we are never lonely
The madness eats at my insides
knowing one day
Ill be so far away
inheritance will make me damaged
by the genes I’ve been afflicted
how many more days do I have
before I start to yell
before I see things that aren’t there
before I forget who I am
Before I start to think its a conspiracy
Old man now he is weathered
Yet his pipe is by his side
his ramblings make no sense to any of us
But father how much am I like you
One day I’m in the rat race
another day I am tattooed on my face
the next day I play guitar and smoke with you
Who am I
Who are you
