I’ll Drive Myself Insane
So it’s 8 o clock on a Friday night
Where is the music and where is the fight
What about that voice that told me things would be alright
Well lets do a little inventory investigation
And see if that will help my litigation
Not flying to free these days
Stuck in too many clouds set it my ways
What is that sound?
Quiet
No one yelling
No one pushed me around today it seems a little strange
No one asked me for money
No one asked me to buy drugs
What?
Freedom in an Agonizing Nutshell
Your mother called and said you were cryin
What about the times you left me cold and dyin
Last night you threw me on the floor
Never looked back as I walked out that door
But she cant guilt trip me
Bitch wouldn’t believe it even if she seen it
chains aren’t strong anymore
I walked away into freedom into sanity
Back to my family once more
I will never regret
walking out that door
Summit of Addiction
Sitting atop the summit of your addiction
Waiting yet again for someone to drop off a smile
Your heart I pay 10 for a gram
Another Friday night not answering the phone
My friends call but I’ll be all alone
I sit in the dark as you yell
What did I do again what did I do
I didn’t come this far to have the same life as my mother’s
You say you will crack the cat’s neck
I hope someday that will be mine
I had a chance to live
and I lost it
and now I reap the loss of all that could’ve been
Baby do you dream of it
I doubt it
Your just another man
I quit my job
Why waste even more money on it
I cant afford food or a cigarette
But secretly it makes me happier than throwing it away
I am not strong
I am sick of this facade
I spend my days staring blankly into the walls
Watching the wrinkles form under my sad eyes
If you read this I am still waiting
If you heard me at night
I forgot how to smile
Its a Childs fantasy I am playing in my head
Its ten mount Everest’s
Abuser
It took about a minute to get over you
Treated me like shit stuck under your shoe
Now I got someone to love but not sure
If they care about me the way you do
Would they jump in front of a moving train
Just to make sure I wouldn’t hurt again
Is there another woman just like you had
Just up the road a ways being a man
Well id do anything for the man I love
At what point do I give up?
I never had a limit to the bullshit
That people put me through take a hit
I was never one to say no but sorry
I drink through all the days of glory
Too worried about what people might think
So yeah like I said I just got to drink
Are you up all night thinking of me
Are you crying and wishing you could
Have done a better job of keeping me
You know I’m thinking of you
And what we used to be
But not of fate and present times
You ruined it all and now I got no rhymes
Left in tears and blood you see
Your lying when say peace and harmony
Now I’m the one looking like a fool
Explaining to your friends trying to look cool
I got no idea where you are tonight
Never had a last chance to fight
How am I supposed to get through the night
Without someone telling me I’m not in the right
I seen you just the other day
What a sight
You looked at me and cried
You kept walking as you had a breakdown
I was sitting on a ledge downtown
I just lit up another cigarette
Waiting outside for my new boyfriend
I didn’t say a word or make a sound
Surprised me I barely remembered you
Nor did I open my mouth
I glanced you looking back at me
But I never called out to you, you see?
That’s what you expected
Thinking id see you and get redirected
Now im sitting by myself singing
Somewhere over the rainbow
And now I know the words are true
Dreams stick to my soul like glue
Everything good has happened without you
I don’t need a man to tell me what to do
Ill never let it happen again
After what you had put me through
I had no friends I had no money
The way life works aint it funny
Everyone’s giving me the guilt of your grief
But if I’m happy it’s such a relief
I don’t owe you much
I only live once
So I’m not understanding all the fuss
Like awake at night all on your own
don’t care anymore fucker
Shed some tears for me once
Your not the only one all alone
At least your nightmares
don’t consist of a mad lover and maniac man
Living life stoned and hopped on antidepressants
Your nightmares just consist of fucked up shit
Because your childhood was hit or miss
The pain you inflicted to me
didn’t really affect you see
So I have no guilt or grief
Your just a loser
A boozer
A fucking abuser
you’ll see
November fourth
Waiting for the universe to bring me a soul
That truly knows me
I don’t really believe there is one out there
As I am not even too sure who I am
My life was 9-5, working, dishes
My pleasure came from a quiet Saturday
Sitting in front of the TV and cleaning
The smell of lavender Pin Sol my salvation
Red wine in dollar store glasses is high living
Overdraft of my bank account, visas maxed out
What is left, the rent and bills are paid
My cupboards stacked with KD and Mr Noodles
Drinking green tea with a puff of weed
Cant take my eyes off crime shows on TV
Grab a bath with expensive oils, luxury
The people peering through my windows
couldn’t really see the tears hit the pillows
Life should never be a fake fantasy
Where you found yourself a pseudo love story
Now I look in your ocean eyes I feel saved
From a deep dark drowning in nightmare seas
Of all my life’s memories
Rap In a Hotel With a Group of Poets
Every move I make I am afraid
Every finger I lift I wait for a yell
Every song I sing you got something to say
For what price of love do I have to pay
How can these men make It through another day
Without their drugs refilled and their cocks soaked with KY
The women they crave just think their disgusting
They are too in their own way to see them shudder and roll their eyes
And yes I may have given up everything but look what I’ve gained
My house was not a home it was a hell I dreaded to think of
All I did was drink wine and wish he wouldn’t keep me up at night
While having thoughts of the insane
Breaking down in tears at the mention of his name
A panic attack at the thought of running out of love
All that waited at my door were dishes demands I need money I need weed
I lived a life of tears not happiness and he wonders now why I am so tainted
I wonder myself why it took so damn long to get out of this
I just tried to help you, too hard if you ask anyone in observance
It’s a clearance sale on my strongest morals and convictions
I spent a night away called me to say I’m a bitch cause your hungry
Well get some fucking food you’re a grown man
Just like I was the mother of some fucked up clan
Sure it was fine and dandy when we had a plan
But you lost your mind and you’re a heartless ignorant man
You don’t even have a real name to me anymore you don’t deserve it
One day I just walked out that door and never again will I be back
Just ignored the rent and the bills the universe will take care of that
No worries living out of a backpack
There is something seriously wrong with you
You crazy ass whack crack addict
I am Broke (easily and frequently)
Cant shake the fears of evil madman eyes
My heart weeps as you smile through their windows
The longer I live the sorrow grows
Why do you love all of these women
The shadow of silhouettes and telling me lies
You don’t notice me in the alleyway or hear my cries
As my veins are willing to take break
Happiness and smiles I have learned to fake
I want to be inspired and feed off energies
Praying to the sky but stars don’t hear these pleas
Of a lost soul dying along with the wind
The leaves fall and rot away like my dreams
Everything is fucked ripping at the seams
I’m not a garment that can be mended
My life is one that should be ended
DON’T tell me you love me I don’t want to hear it!
I just want to forget everything you have ever said
So go with her
GO
I want to watch you
Walk away
I wont be the one to do it
Go
Fantasy for Forgetting
I want so much of a human in the days I had long ago left behind
I’m lost I guess you could say I had been losing my mind
Or possibly it was everyone else around me
The air was heavy with lies and everything was hard to believe
So you messaged me to wish me well
Sadly I missed that depressing hell
But it was all just a fucking fantasy
A fantasy we used to escape our cruel and mental lives
Something we used to make us high but when the destruction started I just pretended I was still living in that dream
But it wasn’t real…or was it?
What makes me so confused and torn
I’m not sure what I can believe in now or not
For three years you were my life
Wanted me to be your pride and trophy wife
I took a chance with fate
To not live a lie
